The Monkey
So I met this little guy out in the world. I know, I know. Your thinking right now how cute and cuddly this little fellow is. Don’t bother. If I ever see this miscreant again, I am going to pick up the closest thing I can find and throw it at him as hard as I can. I also know that right now, you are a bit shocked and angry with me for such nastiness toward such an obviously innocent creature who is really quite snugly an soft. HA! Before going overboard with the prejudice, stop and give a listen to my side of the story. Remember when we were all little and someone had to tell us not to judge a book by its cover? I learned the hard way from this tiny punk. Just because I am a hobo and he had a nice comfortable cage, and consider the idea that I don’t always looks so put together and he is gifted with a sweet look that gets everybody all gushy inside, doesn’t mean that he is the good guy and I am the bad guy. The opposite is true in this case. Look deep into those eyes and search. There is a cold contentment and subtle indifference in one eye, and a knack for mischief and a mean streak a mile wide in the other. It makes me shiver just thinking back on the whole ugly situation. Not all of the fun stuff in life happens after dark. I know a lot of good story content happens after the sun goes down, but this all went down in broad daylight. I spend a lot of time traveling. It is nice to see the sites and take life in a day at a time and every so often, I get a treat in the light of day. That day was really just like any other day when it started out. It was a cool crisp morning and the leaves were all changed over to the best colors of all year. The wind was loping along so it was not unpleasant at all. After I had cleaned up camp and walked out into the world to see what was in store for me. I was walking along and saw a sign for a free zoo. I thought to myself that it might be good to see some animals and maybe meet a few generous folks along the way. The first ting I noticed of course was the smell. You cannot have this many animals in one place and not get that. Then I noticed all of the prices on the food. How can a guy like me who is down on his luck afford to eat this stuff? There are a few tricks I know to get around some of that. At any rate, I was here to enjoy myself not for any other reason. The otters were so interesting, I hung around with them because they seemed to be frolicking around carefree and happily. I moved up to the bears and lions and bigger animals and had a great time in their company. Nothing prepared me for my next encounter. I saw the signs for the monkey house and my curiosity got the better of me. I strolled in and it was just him and me. At first I thought how cute he is and how soft he must be. To be honest, he really was soft and fuzzy just as I expected. He sure was mean. I had the opportunity to get real close and pet him. He took this opportunity to pick my pocket. Boy was he smooth too. I didn’t notice my change purse gone for a good ten minutes. Of course I would have noticed sooner but this sick little monkey was pulling my ears and biting my hands too. His claws were sharp too. He ripped up my shirt and tore a hole in my pants. He also stole my spare sandwich. I would love to see behind the big boulder in his cage, I bet he has 10 years worth of valuables he has lifted from unsuspecting customers. So here it is, If you go to the free zoo, guard your spare sandwich, and you may want to wear a helmet.
The Gump!
So I was traveling again across the country in some adequate accommodations, but, since I was C, H, and D (Cold, Hungry, and Dry), I decided to walk about and look for something to eat. You have to be careful when riding without a ticket. The bulls are always watching for folks like me, so it pays to have a couple sweatshirts to blend in better. Without a lot of road stake, the dining car is the last place for a guy like me to scrounge up some grub. Another thing about being on the fly is that you are usually traveling alone and can’t find a jungle or a handy pot of mulligan stew to throw in on. The good things are that you can normally find a place to wash up, and, you don’t have to worry about greasing the tracks. I did make my way to the diner, but I couldn’t stay because there were too many officials. So I kept walking through and passed some very nice people who were on vacation. We chatted for a few and since I don’t like to linger too long, I made may way out and kept looking for some chow. In the next car, I ran into a bull. As officials go, he wasn’t terrible, but, he was very suspicious. I could tell by the way he was grilling me. The conversation was rolling was a delicate dance. He was convinced that I was up to something, but, I am an expert in conversational kung-fu. He would jab with a question, and I would bob and weave with a quick story. Even though I have plenty of experience with distracting officials, he was staying on point and kept drilling. Luckily, someone in the previous car had some sort of kerfuffle and old copper had to leave me to attend to whatever was going on. I knew opportunity had knocked and I needed to put some serious distance between us. I made my way through the next few cars as fast as I could and walked in on a strange storage car. Most people would steer clear because of the smell, but, I needed a place to go and the animals typically don’t give you too much trouble. As I walked in, the critters did make some fuss. They came alive and scratched and squawked. The monkeys threw stuff and the cats hissed. One of the cages was left open. I was instantly hooked on solving the mystery of the lost animal. I started by scanning the room from top to bottom. No luck. Mildly frustrated, started to look into the other cages and see if whatever it was crawled in with the other pets. Still no luck. By now, my hunger is getting the better of me and the frustration is building slowly. In spite of my anger, I decided to step back and use my head. I examined the cage. excitement ensued when I found evidence that the missing creature just happens to be a chicken. What better way to solve several problems than to cook that old Gump and knock out my hunger, anger, and wayward animal all at the same time. Now, the game was afoot. A chicken foot. With my new found resolve, I began to deliberately and methodically eliminate options for my missing dinner. I already had some gravy mix stored away (a valuable lesson learned from a previous encounter with a frog), so this was going to be a real treat. Earlier I had spotted a place to do the cooking which would also provide some needed cover from the lurking officials who wouldn’t appreciate my plight. I had a few more ingredients packed in with my stuff and the thoughts were popping around in my head and motivating me to keep digging. Through the clamor of my own excitement, I heard a noise that made me stop dead in my tracks. That railroad copper was back. This time, I didn’t have anywhere to hide. I ducked behind one of the cages to bide some time, but I knew that I was caught. The door crept open and I saw the shadow slowly spill into the room with me. This guy was sure that I was in there and he knew he had me dead to rites. The guard snuck in slowly and began his search of the room for yours truly. Slowly, he crept around the corner into my view and was delighted that he had found his prize. He took a moment to savor his victory. His eyes lit up with glee as he envisioned my capture and eventual imprisonment. All at once, I could see that he was enjoying my undoing and his pride was welling up inside of him. Suddenly, I caught an unbelievable sight out of the corner of my eye. A clumsy war cry rang out in the dark. With all fury, feathers, and lightning speed, that old chicken flew out of hiding and raced to my rescue. With raw efficiency, he managed to kick loose some boxes above the official’s head and with a focused technique he circled back around to assure the job was finished. He planted his little chicken feet and scanned the room for further danger as any highly trained warrior would do. Our eyes met and I knew that I was going to remain hungry for the rest of the night. All at once, I felt peace, vindication, a little bit sorry for the official, and amazement towards my new friend. He had no idea that I was planning on cooking him, and I thought it best that he never found out. I looked him square in the eye and nodded in gratitude and he nodded in return showing his mastery of the scene.
The Frog
I was fishing by a lake somewhere in the mid west. Having just jumped off a train I started to look for a place to sleep for the night. Mowing some grass for a local town is how I made some cash. I am no bum, I just like to travel on my own terms. I get to meet people from all over and experience things I would have never seen if I had stayed and put down roots. Anyways, I was fishing for some dinner and the night was cool and clear, just the way you want a crisp evening to be. The crickets were singing, the bullfrogs were keeping time, and the fish jumped just in time to accent the evening song like good clean cymbal. Like any other night, I was getting a little hungry. I wasn’t having any luck with the fish, so I started thinking of catching something else. It didn’t take too long for me to see this frog. He was the one who had the great timing supporting the low end of the night song. It was a strange moment. We locked eyes and I was a bit surprised at what I saw. A lot like the old cartoon, he had on a little hat and a cane. Even though we were focused on this incredibly long and tense standoff, he never once lost rhythm. His resolve was amazing. His eyes were cool and sharp and they pierced into my very soul. I felt the music swell up in my legs and motivate my foot to tap in time. In a slow wave of torment and joy and tension, were in simultaneous rage and rhythm and total agreement within. He knew that I planned on eating him, but, he also knew I couldn’t resist the back beat. So, I lost a few ounces that day. That frog was right, I couldn’t bring myself to ruin that captivating moment. Plus, I didn’t have any gravy.